Oh my lord, what have I done!!

This past weekend saw me not eat well at all.  Better than some people out there, but still not good when you are trying to lose weight.

I started on Friday night with crap food - fried fish and chips.  Saturday breakfast was cereal, but come lunchtime I was hungry, had nothing good for me in the fridge/freezer/pantry so I resorted to toast.  FOUR slices of it, with heaps of meadowlea and vegemite.  I enjoyed every last bite.  I had to go to the supermarket to get pet food and came home with chocolate and lollies for hubby and chocolate and liquorice bullets for me.  The choc for me was a small 40g bar of mint bubbles.  Actually there were 2 of them but I ate one in the car.  I could hear myself thinking - here I go sneak eating chocolate again.  Dinner was oven fish, veges and left over chips from the night before.  I felt sick after that meal.  Ate half the bullets reading.

Sunday started out ok - cereal and yoghurt for breaky.  Had to eat the yogurt so hubby didn't get it.  For lunch I had a tin of campbells vege soup with 1 tin of baked beans added - shared with hubby - and 2 pieces of toast.  Dinner was pasta with homemade bolognaise sauce.  I had a gin and tonic too.  I have found with gin and tonics that if I mix in a bit of onion juice I get really light headed.  Now G&T don't normally affect me this way, but add in that onion and POW, I am as woozy as if I had drunk 2 bottles of wine to myself.  Finished off the bullets.

Monday was another right of a day.  Breakfast was cereal - so the day started well - lunch was 4 slices of fruit bread and dinner was at 11.30pm (!) and was 4 salada (you know the 4 square large sheets - well 4 of them) with marj and vegemite.  I did have an apple puree too.  Finished off a half eaten pack of Lime and Pepper chips and that choc bubble bar.

I have no idea where this bad food compulsion comes from.  But these last few days I have just given in to it.  Every day I get up and start out ok, but come lunch time and I've been a goner.  I think I have figured out that lunch is my red flag.  If I don't have something quick to serve up (like soup for instance) that's when I head for the crap.  Though finding it is a bit hard now.  I could have a turkey and lettuce and tomato sandwich or wrap - but no I have toast and vegemite.

I used to have what I called a ploughman's lunch - dried biscuits, dried fruit, cheese.  Quick, simple.

So I think I have come to the conclusion that I need to always have soup on hand and have that.  I have had leftovers in the fridge the past week and I haven't even looked at them.  So the suggestion of 'make extra for lunch' hasn't worked.

Before my shower this morning, but after breakfast, I got on the scales to see what damage I had done.  Guess what?  No damage at all.  So I can't even learn from my mistakes and go "oh, I put on weight, I ate bad".  Cause I haven't put on weight.  That is so frustrating.  I would rather have put on weight than still be the same.  URGHH.